I've lived my life making excuses for the things I thought I couldn't do. I let people bring me down. I let the world take charge of my life instead of creating my own destiny.
I finally figured out two things. We create our own opportunities, and that I didn't want to one day look back at my life and wonder, "what if?". I don't want a life of regret over the things I never tried, so I made a list of things I want to try, things I want to accomplish, and adventures I want to be a part of. Not because I'm gonna die, but because I want so badly to live.
I finally finished my research project for the term!
Doctor Who has been around for 5o years, making it the longest running science fiction show of all time. This essay shows that Doctor Who has remained popular by embracing what is important to people. Doctor Who has stayed popular by accommodating social and political trends in the world notably advances in feminism and the rejection of Britain’s class system. The show has also stayed on top by developing new ways to tell stories using new technologies. fostering a sense of community around the show. The fans have demonstrated how much they value Doctor Who by building a strong community behind the show. This has led to Doctor Who’s long standing success, not just in science fiction, but in television as a whole.
Oh my god. I can’t believe I did it. I’m shaking. This is crazy. What was I thinking? I think I might throw up.
I quit my job today.
The contempt I feel for my job has been piling up for weeks. I am no longer physically or mentally capable of doing the job.
I was planning on finding a new job in the new year anyways. But then I almost rage quit a couple weeks ago and it caused me to think.
I have never quit a job properly. Well maybe I quit one right. But my jobs to quitting properly ratio is pretty crappy. I have acted out until I was fired, stopped showing up, rage quit…
And it’s not like any of this was one day I decided I should leave. My desire to leave crept up on me. I would want to go, but feel like I couldn’t or shouldn’t.
I’ve never ended a relationship properly either. I have run off in the middle of the night, stopped answering my phone and changed all my contact information, I’ve moved, I’ve started fights all because I was too scared to say goodbye.
And I handle them even worse when I’m not the one initiating goodbye.
I’m not good at endings.
With my job, I’m still on probation so technically I didn’t need to give notice.
But I felt it was time. I’m not quitting shitty jobs for the next shitty job anymore. I am looking to work in a professional job, so I need to act like a professional.
That meant quitting this job the right way.
Which meant listening to the voice inside me saying it’s time to go. It meant believing myself when I said I am capable of better. I deserve better. It meant writing a resignation letter and giving notice.
So it took me a week to do it. Despite knowing it was the right decision, I tried to talk myself out of it. Hell after work today, it took me an hour to come up with the nerve to do it.
And I did it. I quit a job properly.
But still couldn’t find the ladyballs to tell my coworkers I was leaving. While they were busy, I found my store manager, talked to him and then crept out. My coworkers have no idea I left.
Halfway there at least?
I am against bullying.
Not in the zero tolerance, all bullies should be punished and pity the poor victims kind of way.
I am against this movement that fosters victims, stifles free speech, places blame on mental illness and justifies self harm. I don’t feel that the bullying movement empowers people it creates more ignorance and shame and I am not okay with it.
Unfortunately, I am not capable of having a reasonable conversation about it. The topic gets me extremely fired up.
So I will link you to a guy with some very similar opinions. He stays level headed while I just can’t.
Stupid me. I actually thought that I’d be better this year. I was so excited. This year was gonna be the year.
But I woke up screaming and I don’t know why. And the screams turned to tears as I realized that once again, I lost.
There was no point to anything I did this year.
Soldier and Charity remind me of all this progress I’ve made. I was jobless and almost homeless and fighting with an unhealthy relationship. And I turned all of that around. And they tell me of the difference I make in the world.
I know they’re right. I don’t dispute a thing they say. I know they’re right but they miss the point.
All of that progress was for nothing. Because here I am again. I can’t stop crying for no reason. I don’t want to get out of bed. I spend my waking hours dreaming of ways to leave the world forever and my sleeping hours dreaming of never waking up again.
So everything I accomplished this year, all of my progress, everything was just so I could fall further into being a broken mess of a person.
So they tell me to think of the ones I love and the one who love me. The people who depend on me, the people who look up to me. They tell me to think of the impact I have on the world.
It doesn’t make it any better. It just makes it so much worse because I still feel this way. Here I am again and nothing could stop me from feeling this way.
I feel even more guilty for the people that my feelings hurt. All they want to do is care and it does nothing.
And so Charity tells me to never be afraid to call her. Soldier tells me to never confuse his busy schedule with a lack of caring. But I lost my best friend last year because I am sick. And he’s not the first person that my December has alienated completely.
And I have some great people in my life right now. People I want to keep in my life. So I can’t talk to them about this. I have to learn from last year. Keep it to myself so they can’t be burned out. Fake a smile in public. Don’t go out in public when faking a smile isn’t possible.
This is my December and I am afraid that it will be my December for the rest of my life no matter how much progress I make.
The next part of my Doctor Who research paper has me writing an annotated bibliography summarizing my sources and my research.
Making its debut November 23, 1963, Doctor Who is now the longest running science fiction show of all time. The show originated as a children’s educational television program in a time when television was still a new media. Not every household had access to a television and there were only a few channels broadcasting for a few hours a day. Many people look back and fondly remember being children growing up terrified of the Doctor’s greatest enemy, the Daleks. They remember covering their ears and closing their eyes upon hearing the words “Exterminate!” being called out in a robotic voice. Fifty years later, Daleks are still terrifying and they are still one of the Doctor’s greatest enemies. How has Doctor Who remained stayed popular for 50 years?
When researchers explore the changes that Doctor Who has undergone during its run, they agree that social and political factors in the world have heavily influenced the show. In Doctor Who and Race: Reflections on the Change of Britain’s Status in the International System, Gupta talks about the evolution of feminism and how it influenced the roles of female companions on the show. Asher-Perrin describes the evolution of Doctor Who by describing the different characteristics the Doctor has taken on over the years in Not some new man: The hidden pattern behind the Doctor’s regenerations while in 10 Totally different TV shows that Doctor Who has been over the years Anders discusses the format and genre changes Doctor Who has seen. Each source highlights slightly different influencing factors in their research, but they all describe how Doctor Who has changed to stay alive and popular over 50 years.
Gupta, A. (2013). Doctor Who and Race: Reflections on the Change of Britain’s Status in the International System, The Round Table: The Commonwealth Journal of International Affairs, 102:1, 41-50, DOI: 10.1080/00358533.2013.764083
Gupta explores the political and social trends happening around the world influencing Doctor Who. He talks about issues of race, feminism, and government powers and how they relate to Doctor Who. He suggests that Doctor Who has remained slightly behind the social trends, but has done better than many other shows.
Perryman, N. (2008, February). Doctor Who and the Convergence of Media: A Case Study in `Transmedia Storytelling’ Convergence, The International Journal of Research into New Media Technologies 14: 21-39, DOI: 10.1177/1354856507084417
In this academic article, Neil Perryman discusses the various forms of media that have been used to tell the Doctor Who story. He discusses the role that fans and technology have played in keeping the series alive for 50 years.
BBC: Worldwide, (n.d.). 50 years of Doctor Who [website] http://www.doctorwho.tv
This official Doctor Who website boasts a large collection of articles and photos. This site aims at keeping the fan entertained and up to date on everything happening in the Doctor Who world.
Davies, M. (executive producer). (2012, August 11) The women of Doctor Who [television broadcast]. London, England: BBC: America.
This television documentary discusses the notable female roles that have been a part of this series. Through interviews with fans, experts and some of the actresses themselves, the viewer comes to know more about what makes these characters memorable and how they are important to the overall story.
Jackman, F. (producer). (2012, August 4) The science of Doctor Who [television broadcast]. London, England, BBC: America.
In this documentary, a panel of scientists explore the true science behind the series. They discuss things like whether time travel is really possible, robots and whether or not it is really possible for something to be bigger on the inside than on the outside. The scientists discuss what science fiction contributes to scientific advancement.
Anders, C., (2011, August 23). 10 Totally different TV shows that Doctor Who has been over the years. Retrieved from http://io9.com/10-totally-different-tv-shows-that-em-doctor-who- em-5833466
Anders talks about the different genres of television that Doctor Who has been during its run. He demonstrates his point with examples of slapstick comedy, heartbreaking romance, action and drama. Anders shows how Doctor Who has remained relevant by changing its format over the years.
Asher-Perrin, E., (2012, August 29). Not some new man: The hidden pattern behind the Doctor’s regenerations. Retrieved from: http://www.tor.com/blogs/2012/08/not-some-new-man- the-hidden-pattern-behind-the-doctors-regenerations
Asher-Perrin discusses the Doctor’s regenerations. He talks about how personality traits, past storylines and outside trends influenced how a doctor regenerated. He uses these observations to speculate on what that could look like for the 12th Doctor.
Ellison, J (2013, June 27) Race and gender in Doctor Who: Beyond who plays the Doctor Retrieved from: http://www.racialicious.com/2013/06/27/race-and-gender-in-doctor-who- beyond-who-plays-the-doctor/
In this editorial piece, Joy Ellison explores issues of race and gender and how they relate to Doctor Who. She points out the lack of characters of colour and suggests that the executive producers have a lot of power over how the show is shaped.
All of the above sources provide valuable insight into the evolution of Doctor Who over the last half of a century. Doctor Who has remained popular by consistently growing and changing with its audience. This is especially evident with the classic series where you see the story lines maturing with the audience throughout the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. When the series restarted again in 2005, it was recreated for the world at that time with good looking actors and engaging stories. Overall, Doctor Who has grown and changed in many ways over the last half century. On television, it has moved from a low budget black and white series to being BBC’s flagship franchise broadcasting in high definition. Technological and political changes have influenced how the show is written and delivered to fans. Doctor Who has evolved tremendously and continues to do so in current times.
It’s easy for others to say that my looks don’t matter and I have such a “wonderful personality”. But they don’t have to look in the mirror or inside me to see what’s really hiding as soon as the lights go out.
It’s easy for outsiders to tell me to be so proud of my accomplishments but they don’t have to lay here and feel the exact same way I did a year ago, knowing it’s all a waste to just end up back here feeling the same way.
Everyone wants to be me. No one can stand to be near me.
Oh my god thank you so much! This made my night! I like you too! I think you are super awesome!