I spent the weekend hosting karaoke. This is a job I very much love/hate. I love singing and dancing, hate drunken idiots. I’m pretty much doing it right now because I really need the money.
Friday night while I was outside, I met a couple of interesting people. A woman who likes to make friends with everyone, and a man she had just met that night in the bar. They asked me to sit with them for a bit.
They started talking about their jobs. She is a health care aide. He is a programmer. Now, this is the last bar I’d expect to find a programmer, so I found this quite interesting. Part of me wondered if he was just trying to make himself look good and just happened to pick the wrong girl to run that line on. So I started to ask him about his work. (I’ll take stuff overheard at a Skullspace gathering for 500, please.)
So it turns out, he knew what he was talking out.
He bought me a beer and then the conversation then took an even more interesting turn. “The thing about girls like you is that you’d never give a guy like me a chance. Girls like you just look right past me because you’re looking for some tall, handsome, muscular guy.”
Maybe I was supposed to be insulted, but this is probably the biggest compliment I’ve received in a long time. “You really think I’m pretty enough to be shallow?”
“You stand out in the crowd.” He says.
“I’m a blonde white girl in a Native bar.” I respond.
“But you would stand out anywhere. With your long blonde hair and gorgeous curves. I know your type! You’d never give a guy like me a second look!” He starts to get indignant and I just look in shock.
Really? I’m pretty enough to be a hottie? I’m gorgeous enough that people think I’m shallow? This is so cool! I’m so excited!
He shakes my hand. “I can tell a lot by shaking your hand.” He says. “How long have you been after him?”
“Who?” I ask.
“You know who I’m talking about. You’re in love with someone.” He says.
“Maybe, but he doesn’t love me.” I answer.
“You don’t know that.” He argues.
“Yes I do. I have it on pretty good authority. Straight from the horses mouth.” I respond.
“Men lie. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you.”
At this point, I’m just amused.
He starts again. “But girls like you would never give guys like me the time of day. You still haven’t answered my question though.”
“What question?” I ask.
“Who is he?”
I smile. “He’s a programmer.” And I walk away.
———-
Last night was also interesting.
While I was up singing, some dude started doing a striptease for me. It was hilarious.
I went for a smoke and when I came back, there was a note on the laptop that said I look amazing tonight. It was really sweet.
Around midnight, a dude walked into the bar. He wasn’t much to look at, but every woman in the place flocked to him.
I really couldn’t figure it out. He kept on trying to buy me drinks and flirt with me, but I had no interest. Meanwhile all the girls were jealous because while he was busy striking out with me, they would come up to him and pull him on the dance floor and start grinding him. One girl even took her top off and started pushing her boobs in his face.
The next time he came up to me, I asked him “Do you have a fluffy pink puppy covered in glitter in your pocket or something? The girls are all over you.”
“Not that I know of.” He says. “Can I buy you another drink?”
On my table, I have three full drinks he’s sent me. “I’m good thanks. Why do you keep buying me drinks anyways? You stand no chance of coming home with me.”
“I know. That makes you a conquest.”
I laugh. “Well good luck with that.”
“When do you work next?” He asks.
“I’m a limited edition karaoke host. Kinda like the McRib. I only come back for a little while a couple times a year.” I answer.
“I’ll change your mind.” He says.
“Good luck with that.” I say as I walk away.
